New Neighbors Part the Second

I’m wondering if i should nose around this place a little while longer, or i should go straight to Sherlock so i can be back here by breakfast time tomorrow?  Time travel, especially a quick trip, can be exhausting. In fact, for the last few days, Doctor Watson has been treating a woman named Tess, who got a little too nosy about her neighbors and accidentally ended up in Sherlock’s library in 1896. Tess was not properly prepared, and ended up getting sick along the way; a lot like many humans do when they fly in planes. Anyway, Watson’s patient is getting better quickly. She has one of the best doctors ever!  And who am i to talk about nosy neighbors?  I’m one myself. Most cats are super curious. Speaking of which, i’m going to inspect this apartment a little longer. I want to get as much evidence as i can for Sherlock. I try to always be a most excellent, conscientious assistant!

Next.. i decide to check out Sally and Yves’ bedroom. I told you before, i have my suspicions about whether or not they’re a real couple. It appears by the look of their bed that they are. It’s unmade, and it’s been recently slept in by both of them. I can smell them. We felines are good at sniffing stuff out. I also smell steak in this apartment. Makes me hungry, but i can’t think about that now. I’m busy.  But before i get further with my search, i smell something else. There’s another animal in here besides me!  Then.. out of their bedroom closet hops a bunny. Not a cat named Bunnie, like me, but an honest to goodness rabbit. A black one. My back goes up and my ears go back!  But rabbit says, take it easy!  I’m a friend. I won’t tell!

So i calm down a little. I say, you weren’t here the other day when i came in here. I would have smelled you right away!

Nope. I wasn’t here. I only came yesterday. I was a gift to Sally from her friend, Venus. Also, i’m Sally’s new familiar!

Familiar?  But you’re not a cat. You’re a rabbit!

Magic works through rabbits too. And Sally is a fabulous witch. She’s the good one. It’s Yves who’s bad. Both Sally and i are spying on him. Plus he doesn’t know Sally’s a witch!

But they seem to be a real couple. They sleep together. Do they.. well.. you know.. ? And what about that big purple crystal ball in the living room?  Isn’t that kind of a dead giveaway that something is off?

Oh yes!  They do THAT as often as they can. And we rabbits are the ones with that reputation!  Can you believe it? And she told him that purple thing is great art or something. He bought it i guess..

I have to listen to my humans do it a lot too. They like to holler!  So if Sally is a spy and Yves is bad.. why does she like him so much?

She doesn’t really like or love him. Their relationship is purely physical. They’re wildly attracted to each other. But don’t worry. When Sally gets the evidence she needs, Yves will get what he deserves. She and Venus will see to that!

Sherlock Holmes is suspicious. I can report back to him that Yves is the bad guy.. not Sally. But why is Yves bad?  What has he done?

Sally and Venus suspect he’s an art forger and thief. Did you see that painting of the Blue Dancers by Edgar Degas in the living room?  Well, that’s not a copy!  It’s the real one!…

Just then, rabbit and i hear a key in the lock. We retreat under the bed. But Sally and Yves don’t make it to the bedroom. We hear them undressing each other and falling on the couch in the living room. Then lots of moaning. Oh Yves!  Where did you learn these THINGS?  Sally, your breasts are so PERFECT!  Oh GOD Yves!…

Rabbit and i just look at each other and shake our heads….

By M. Raynes

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