This is the best apartment ever! Second floor, two bedroom, big kitchen. Most of the time, my roommate is cool too. Or at least i thought she was until a couple days ago. Up until then everything was fine. She and i have shared these quarters for a little over four months now. I didn’t have to sign a lease, but she signed one a year ago. As far as i’m concerned, things were working out well. I stayed out of the way when her boyfriend, Tulley, comes over. I stayed in my room or i went out around the neighborhood for a walk or to visit friends. Noreen has great taste in food. I don’t cook, but she does. So that was fine. I’ve even cleaned up the kitchen quite often, and her dirty dishes didn’t bother me. She has a dog named Henry.. a mini schnauzer who i also like, and as far as i can tell, he likes me, but he sometimes cops an indifferent feline attitude. Noreen works days, and i work most nights a week. Weekends i take it easy. Yep, from what i’d observed, Noreen seemed pretty nice. Tulley.. I thought he was okay too, just a little loud sometimes. What i really liked is when roomie went to his place. It’s so quiet here.. I could relax and not worry about disturbing them. Sometimes i was nosy, i guess, but basically i’m a loner and kept to myself. My two best friends live close by in this building, Betsy on the third floor and Chrissy on the sixth. I see them a lot. I don’t understand what caused trouble all of a sudden. Things were routine. It goes to show that one never knows.
Two nights ago, Tulley came over for dinner. Noreen made a pot roast with mashed potatoes and gravy, Tulley’s favorites. The smell was divine. I left the apartment and went upstairs to visit Betsy. So far so good. She and i just quietly watched TV with her roommate, Darren. Yes, she shares an apartment with a man.. a very messy man. Dirty dishes galore in his kitchen. Pieces of food between the cushions of his couch. An empty pizza box under his bed. And he never sweeps or vacuums his floor.. well, maybe he does twice a month or so. Betsy complains endlessly about him.. though she does share his taste in TV. She’s much more athletic than i am and loves to watch sports, especially the rugby, and she’s super quiet when he watches TV. Anyway, i spent a couple hours up there. Then i quietly came back home. Tulley and Noreen were making out on the couch. I went behind them and down the hall. Henry looked up at me and didn’t move a muscle.. just went back to sleep on his bed.
It was then, when i was halfway down the hall, that Tulley stopped kissing Noreen and came up for air. He said, you really need to kill her. You don’t want her living in this apartment! Right away, i thought.. they’re talking about me! Why on earth would they want to kill me? I’ve been a good roommate!
I went right to my room feeling heartbroken. What did i do? I stayed quiet in there for a long time trying to figure everything out. A couple hours after they went to bed, i ventured into the kitchen.. and sure enough.. dirty dishes. I found my way into the cabinet under the sink, and there it was! One of those nasty contraptions with a little piece of delicious cheddar cheese in it. I almost cried, and i knew i had to move out. Tomorrow i’m moving upstairs to live with Darren and Betsy! Betsy is always saying she loves having a messy roommate who leaves goodies everywhere. And i figure Noreen and Tulley don’t deserve someone who’s willing to clean up after them!
By M. Raynes