The Perfect Man

I’ve been single for eight months.  I swore i’d never go the online dating route, but i did it. I found a man.  I think he’s perfect for me.

I went to fabulous&sexy.com and found Paul. Driving to the restaurant to meet him. Tall, dark hair, brown eyes, loves to read, loves the blues, Ph.D in Chemistry… Why he’s single, i’ve no idea.

I find the restaurant. I park, go in, and he’s waiting. We’re seated; we talk for awhile, and the waiter takes our order. I like this guy a lot. Our waiter brings our meals and more wine. Paul tells a good joke, and he doesn’t dominate the conversation.

Two glasses of Chardonnay later, i’m on cloud nine. He says, Melissa, i’m having an excellent time, would you like to get together again?

And i think, get together again?  I want to take you home with me and have sex all night long. How do i say that politely?  He insists on paying the bill. I thought we’d agreed to go Dutch, but i’m so buzzed i don’t argue. I’ve decided we’ll call a cab. Then the strangest thing happens. We start to get up to go, and Paul sticks his middle right finger up his right nostril. I’m speechless. And he doesn’t take his finger right out. He moves it around a little. He puts it up there deeper. People are watching. I think.. I really need to close my mouth. I say, Paul.. why are you doing that?!  People are looking!  You should go to the men’s room!

Just one more minute, Melissa. I need to get this thing out. It’s been driving me crazy. Have you ever wondered about the chemistry of these mucus balls?  This happens sometimes when i drink wine.

And then, if you can believe it, he finally pulls out his finger and there’s a big yellow glob on the end of it. He looks at it a minute and then wipes it on his napkin. Then to top it off, he puts a finger up his left nostril. More digging around. I’ve seen enough, and decide to call a cab to take me home. I say, i’m sorry, Paul. This isn’t going to work. He calls after me, with his finger still stuck up his nose.. but Melissa!  We’re perfect for each other!  You said so yourself!  If it’s the finger thing, i’ll just stop drinking wine!

M. Raynes

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19 thoughts on “The Perfect Man

  1. Yikes! And so funny. I often see people do this kind of thing in their cars. Odd how they seem to think they’re invisible to the world outside, or maybe they don’t and would do this on a date, too. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah, I see people do these things at stop lights too. This, pick their ears and even floss their teeth. These personal grooming procedures should really be done behind closed doors. And not the see through windows of a car. 😀

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Yet another weird experience people only have dating online. I had plenty, as did my husband. We met through friends and often say, “I’m so glad we didn’t meet online.” Because we’d both met some serious weirdos there. I know it works for some and you shouldn’t give up on it. If nothing else, it gives you more fantastic fodder.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I haven’t dated in 26 years. That’s how long my husband and i have been together. And we met through friends too. I have quite a few friends who have done the online dating thing though.. and do they have stories to tell!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I always write my stories in first person. But i did see something similar to this when husband and i were out to lunch together. We figured out it was a first date for them. Not sure if it was an online match or not. But she caught him picking his nose acouple of times. Lol. And the look on her face was priceless. Not sure if she’ll go out with him again. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

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