A Moon Closet?

It’s 2:21 pm on August 5th, 2017. At least this day has a normal date.  It’s not July 50th or September 35th!  But what just happened to me wouldn’t fit anyone’s definition of normal. A lovely border collie rang my doorbell, and she dropped off a satchel full of money and a hand drawn map of Portland. I invited her in, but she wasn’t interested. She merely winked, turned toward the elevator, stood on her hind legs, and pressed the down button. I didn’t have a chance to ask her any questions, and i’m not sure she could have answered my questions anyway.  She got on the elevator, and that was it.
Anyway, now i’m sitting on my couch with the satchel and its contents on my coffee table. I need a glass of wine or a gin and tonic.  Since Time has been missing, strange things have been happening around Portland and other cities.  My life has been mostly the usual. I’ve only, until a couple of days ago, had to deal with mixed up calendar dates.  Now I’m looking at a huge pile of cash! The money and the map are supposedly from Time himself. I’m supposed to go to Apollo’s apartment, and he’ll help me find Time.  No, i haven’t lost my marbles. Time’s texts said he’s lost on Neptune or Venus.  Such craziness! I want a drink!

I go to the kitchen to mix myself something strong. I find i have no gin. I smile to myself and think, how did i let this happen?  It’s like running out of chocolate. .. I only have enough chardonnay left for one glass.  Of all the times to be close to dry.  I pour what’s left and return to the couch to count the money. Time said he’d send thirteen thousand. He said it would be enough to start. I have no idea what that means. I gulp the wine, and i start counting.  I count, and i count, and i count.  So far, i count forty five thousand.  I noticed when i lifted the satchel that it was feather light, too light to contain this much money.  Is it magic money?  Should i just abscond with it and hide from Time?  No. It would be a bad idea to anger a god. I’ll play along and see where it leads.

If only i had gin. I go to my kitchen to look again to be sure.  Yes, i have some! Behind my bread box i find a half a bottle!  Why is it behind my breadbox?  Why do i care?  I mix myself a big gin and tonic ’cause i need it, return to the money and keep counting.  There’s eighty six thousand here!  What am i supposed to do with it?  I don’t need this money to get across town. Are things super expensive on Neptune?  Are Apollo and i going to split the bill on the trip?  I need more instructions. I feel like i’ve bought a complex desk set from Ikea, and the instruction page is blank.  I check my phone for more texts..  none.  All of a sudden, i’m sleepy. Must be the gin and wine. I shove the money and map back in the satchel.  I put the satchel under the coffee table and think, no, it needs to go in a safer place.  I know, there’s a cubby hole crawl space in the hall closet behind my coats.  I put it in there. Then i put an episode of Supernatural on Netflix and lie back on the couch. Is the door locked?  I double check, and yes. Time for TV and nap. I’ll worry about this when i wake up.  I drift away thinking about how smokin’ hot Sam and Dean are.

When i wake up, it’s dark. The clock on my mantel with the sparkling gold hands says 9:45.  No idea what day it is now, even though i didn’t nap long. Dates change like that nowadays.  It doesn’t happen all the time but enough of the time. Then i remember the money in my closet. I go to get up to make sure it’s still there, but i feel woozy. Then i think, where would it have gone?  I drift away again.

I wake up to hear my landline ringing.  Then i remember i got rid of my landline six months ago. The ringing is coming from the same closet where i hid the money.  I want to answer it, but i can’t move. I feel a tingling sensation all over. I shake myself awake. The clock says it’s 10:15.  Again, i didn’t sleep long. I find i can get up, and i hurry to the closet. I open the door, but this place isn’t my closet. I see a forest. A forest filled with shining red trees! They sparkle enough to be made of rubies.  I look to the left, and sitting under one of the trees is the border collie. The same dog who delivered the map and money. I tell her i lost the money. She says, no you didn’t. You’re holding the satchel in your right hand. I look down, and yes, i’m carrying it.  Am i dreaming?  I say, i’m supposed to find Apollo. She says, plans have changed.  Apollo is already here, Daphne!  And what you have in the bag isn’t money. It only appears to be. You hold something much more important. And Welcome to the Moon, my friend!

M. Raynes

To Be Continued next Wednesday.   ūüôā

Jesse Bear

The bear at my door said take a walk with me..

I replied, i will, there will be so much to see!

The bear told me his name is Jesse,

And if i dine with him, he won’t be messy

But he’d much rather drink coffee than tea

Jesse has lilacs growing from between his toes

How this started, no one knows

Jesse and i walk to the woods in search of berries

He points out the ferns where live little woodland fairies

We go deep into the forest where he has few foes

After awhile Jesse shows me his favorite old stump

We sit.. have coffee and sugar, just one lump

Jesse has many a tale to tell

How his mother bear used to hibernate in the nearby dell

Unlike a grizzly, a black bear has no hump

He tells me he has taken many long hikes

He likes to go off grid, and cares not a lick about facebook likes

I tell him i wish i could live far away

Maybe when i grow old, there will come a day

Then in the distance, Jesse sees a cougar, and all i can do is say oh my god, yikes!

I stand as tall as i can, and i yell and throw rocks

Jesse stands on his hind legs, and his loud growl shocks

The big cat runs, and Jesse and i walk back toward where we came

This walk was fun but not at all a fool’s game

It’s good to be home near my tame roses and holly hocks!

M. Raynes


Summer heat scorches

Then the hot flashes descend

Bath in ice desired

Ninety seven hot

Focus is non-existent

Head fits in freezer

Heat waves off pavement

No miles on my legs today

Cold shower required

No towel needed

From inside, breeze deceiving

Dream of ocean waves


Room 135

Bunnie and Mark always rent room 135

Check in time’s early Friday; they seem rushed when they arrive

Bunnie loves beer.. Mark loves champagne

Bunnie’s quite plain, but her lover’s very vain

The Hotel de Veronique is kind of a dive

They’ve been having trysts there for almost ten years

Bonnie had to convince Mark, then he overcame his fears

One thirty five is their lucky room

Every other weekend, in and out they zoom

They’re quiet in the sack, so no one hears

Sometimes Bunnie and Mark think about splitting

He’ll take up bowling, and she’ll try her hand at knitting

But Bunnie couldn’t live without Mark’s enormous penis

And he thinks Bunnie’s a super genius

This whole time, Bunnie’s other boyfriend’s oblivious.. unwitting

Mark just bought Bunnie a huge emerald ring

When Bunnie opened the little box, she began to sing

She really thought they were going to break up.. instead Mark dropped on bended knee

So Bunnie danced and loudly shouted squeeee

And now Mark feels like he’s been crowned king

M. Raynes


Again, i awaken perched at the top of my favorite oak

The gentle wind blew me up here — ¬†Captured me from my nighttime safety –

—— Then it sang me a lullably.. ¬† In a low, haunting moan. I remember falling, but to sleep, not into danger.

I dreamed i was a blue nude.. Matisse painting me..  Then i sat with him, and we sipped wine.

While the wind sang its calm, pastel verses —— ¬†Monet’s Lilies. ¬†Vibrant red poppies, in song – Cezanne’s apples.

In my tree, i’m still nude, my black silk nightgown set free.. I’m pale in the moonlight, and the stars now sing with the wind. ¬†——

Again, i drift away. I fly over Paris, Nice and the Dordogne — ¬†Is it true, or do i dream it? ¬†I fly, but my tree holds me fast, secure —-

In another dream, i wear pink, and i dance for Degas!  But i find i prefer joyful Matisse blue

————— ¬†I awaken again, and Orion sings, his hunt unsuccessful. I want to tell him to rest. Listen to the wind! ¬†Postpone the hunt. Dream! ¬†Dream of passing time and love. Light, not darkness. But until light, cast off your sadness. Let the wind sing you to sleep. ¬†Let the forest hold you in its arms……..

M. Raynes

Lost Time

The texts from Chronos began two days ago. In case you don’t know who he is, Chronos is the God of Time. Most people refer to him as plain old Time.  He’s been missing for quite some, well, time.  The calendar is out of order, and buses and trains run on their own schedules. Some schools are in session in the summertime!  Poor students! This year’s summer Solstice was June 38th. At least it was still in June. But the day after that was July 54th, not June 39th. See what i mean?  Nothing is right. According to the texts i’ve been getting, Time himself says he’s lost, and he needs my help to get back home. First of all, i can’t be sure the texts are really from him, and how does a God get lost?  I live in Portland, Oregon. Does this mean he could be lost somewhere close by?   Lately, there are rumors that the Three Fates are missing too. No texts from any of them though.
My first Time text said, Daphne, please help me!  I’m lost on Neptune, i think. Or maybe on Venus!  Eris suggested i contact you!  That was it. I laughed out loud. So Time is lost on another planet, but he doesn’t know which one. And a goddess, the Goddess of Discord no less, suggested he contact ME. This is fabulous and funny at the same time. Someone has an amazing imagination and wants to play a prank!  So i texted back, lol snort!  Yep. I texted that to Chronos, if this is indeed him, and i doubt it. But now that i think about it, if he is truly Time, then he’s probably pissed, and i could be in trouble.

The second Time text said, i mean it Daphne!  I’m staying in my Streamline camper but i’m lost in the woods on Neptune or Venus!  All these planets look the same after awhile. Please help!

Time’s texts are pretty wordy. Mine are usually two or three words long, but mine to him are longer. This time i pretended to play along a little. I said, sure, i’ll try to help you!  But you need to send money and directions!  Just tell me what to do and where to go! Then i added a smiley face.

This morning, i got the third text at 8:15. It said Daphne, i’m forwarding money and a map.  Thirteen thousand American dollars should be good for a start. The map has instructions to Apollo’s apartment across town from you! If you can get there, he’ll help you find me. You can trust him.  Then another long winded text immediately followed.. Daphne, i know none of this makes sense, but it’s all true! I needed a vacation. I was burned out. I’ve been at this Time job for so long!  I took off into space. I wanted to be spontaneous. I got carried away when i met Tallulah at Chaucer’s Pub on the moon.  It’s a long story…  A messenger will be at your place precisely at 2:16 today with the directions and the cash.  And one more thing, Daphne.. when you get here, we have a murder to solve.

And i thought wow!  I’ll have to see what happens at 2:16!  Maybe if someone arrives with lots of cash, i’ll know this is real. Or not. But so far, it sounds like a crazy fantasy game. Not dangerous at all. One of my girlfriends is responsible. My best friend, Courtney is very imaginative. I’ll bet it’s her.

Well… it’s 2:15. The suspense is killing me!  Wait for it!  Twenty more seconds.. and.. my doorbell rings. I start even though i was half expecting it. I open my door to.. a beautiful Border Collie carrying a large manilla envelope in her mouth. She drops the packet at my feet. I believe she’s smiling at me. I pick up the envelope, open it, and yes, big wad of real money and a hand drawn map!  I swear the beautiful Border Collie winks at me!  …. This might be a real adventure after all!

To Be Continued

M. Raynes

Hug the Forest

Morning sweet woods walk

Greet my loves the ferns and firs

These needles don’t sting

Hug the damp, cool bark

Listen to forest’s heartbeat

Steadiness and strength

The fern faeries sing

No need for morning coffee

Their souls run on joy

M. Raynes