My butler is a gnome named Frankie Gregs

He prefers not wine, but beer from kegs

Frankie has a crush on Cindy Lee Gnome

But she prefers gin because there is no foam

Frankie drinks his Bud down to the dregs

M. Raynes



Underground passage

Not dark – but soft light within

From whence is the light?

Twelve stone steps descend

I hear music and whispers

I take the first step

I’m foolish or brave?

Is this where Resistance meets?

I reach the bottom

What is the password?

An ancient man asks me this

I guess – Light or Truth

He asks me if both?

I must choose one or other

I say Truth – he nods

I can continue

But my lamp no longer works –

He says i’ll find way

How long will i walk?

I get only smile and shrug

I take the first step

I’m foolish or brave?

I’m curious – determined

There is Light down here….

M. Raynes

To Find Time

Am i dreaming?  It’s foggy. The fog smells like freshly cut grass and is flamingo pink. I’m flying. No, not flying exactly. I’m not flapping my arms like they’re wings.. i’m soaring. Yes, that’s it. I’m soaring. But i’m only about two hundred feet in the air. I can see through the fog, and am headed north. How do i know this?  I don’t know. I sense it though. School is out for the summer, i think. But i have to go back in the fall, maybe.  I have a mission to complete, and i have thirty days to do so.

I continue to soar above the treetops.  It’s now that i remember what i’m looking for. It’s a certain tree. A tall Noble Fir.. taller than most. It’ll be sparkling with silver lights.  At the top of the tree, i’ll see a door.  A Dutch door. The top and bottom open separately. It sounds weird, but it’s real.  Venus told me.  Anyway, the top of the door opens to one place, the bottom to a different place.  One good.. one frightening.  I carry two keys.

I feel as though i’ve been soaring for hours, but i’ve lost my sense of time, though i haven’t lost my sense of direction. Still going north. The keys are starting to weigh me down, and i’m getting sleepy. I must stay awake. I want to drift away into my dreams. I want to land in my warm, safe, comfortable bed. The fog now smells like wintergreen. It’s cold, and the fog as turned to a lovely celadon. But i can finally see the tree. It’s sparkling and magnificent. I soar toward it, and land on a sturdy branch near the top. I see the door.

Then i’m awake. So it was a dream!  I roll over and start to sit up. My heart is pounding.  If it was a dream, why are there two keys resting on the pillow beside mine?  One silver with rubies and one brass with pearls. And there’s a note. It smells like mint. I open it, and it says.. Amanda.. you know your mission. Take these keys, go to St. Lucia, and bring back Time. The future of our country is at stake.  Yours, Venus
M. Raynes


The Troll in the Kitchen

Who squeezed the little troll’s dead body into the dumbwaiter?

Where the kitchen staff will surely find it later?

The warty little guy was shot in the neck

But there’s no blood around.. not a tiny speck

By the look of him, he is definitely an out of stater

Perhaps his killer is the butler named Steve?

He’s been working at the mansion since New Year’s Eve

The culprit could be the cook named Joey

Or the parlor maid whose name is Zoey

The troll is wearing a jacket in an expensive weave

What is the motive and why is he dead?

Is it because he was ignorant.. not well read?

That’s no reason to murder a troll

Or maybe it’s because he couldn’t bowl?

But for an internet troll, he was not well fed

Perhaps those on the web didn’t succumb to his bait?

Though a jerk, he didn’t deserve this fate

Maybe the killer doesn’t work in this house

But it’s possible she does and is just a big louse

Lately in many quarters, there’s an atmosphere of hate

Soon the kitchen staff will show up for work

They’re always on time, their duties they never shirk

Who knows which one will find him in there?

Will she scream or only stop and stare?

The police will be called, then they’ll come question and lurk!

M. Raynes

To be continued.. maybe??  It’s a mystery…


The House Behind Mine

I wonder what goes on at the house behind mine?

It’s hard to peek through the winding ivy vine

I’ve heard a rumor there’s a skeleton under a floor

Or perhaps a body hanging inside a closet door

The saltbox black rooftop is covered with moss

And the home’s red paint has lost much of its gloss

It hasn’t been lived in for over six years

People who live around have quite a few fears

On the right side of the house, there’s an arborvitae hedge

On the left side is a three foot granite ledge

Once a month a neighbor mows its lawn

And when she trims the ivy, she begins at dawn

A few years ago, a young newly married couple lived there

Then one day they were gone.. alas, no one knew where

Three days ago i swear i saw a light on out back

For spying i have quite a great knack

I looked through the fence, and what did i see?

Not a what, but a who, i saw my neighbor, Bea

Bea was nosing around on the old back porch

When the back light went off, she panicked – dropped her torch

I heard it fall into a hole in the porch floor

And then nosy Bea could poke around no more

Then she went home, and i went back inside

But the next day i went out there, and i thought, behind the ledge, i’ll hide

I thought i saw a face in a window out front

I really wanted to get in there and hunt

All of a sudden, i saw a car drive up

Out got an old woman and her black lab pup

The woman reached for a key and put it in the front door

After all my spying this scene seemed a bore

She looked at her pup and said, Geoffrey, it’s time to go to the moon

And i thought, i hope something exciting happens soon

The front door closed behind them, and i couldn’t believe my eyes

The old, rundown house was just a clever guise

The house, it lifted right off the ground

And it began to spin slowly, around and around

All the neighbors, they gathered in the middle of the street

The gusts of wind from lift off blew us all off our feet

So there are no dead bodies in the house after all

Just a woman and her dog on a moon voyage in the fall

M. Raynes

October 45th

This morning, i awoke at 5:30 to find my bedroom filled with a hyacinth scented pink haze. I breathed it in with relish. I moved over to the still lovely, warm right side of the bed, buried my face in the pillow and let the scent of Time fill me with youth and happiness. Before i went to bed last night, i was forty three, but this morning, i’m a young woman of twenty five. Who needs the Fountain of Youth when i can spend a night having amazing sex with Chronos; Time himself?  He told me he would grant me one wish, and its effect would last four days. I wished to be twenty five again, and i am. He asked me three times if was absolutely certain. I said, of course i am.  I also wished for the sex. He agreed, but that it wouldn’t last for four days.  I mean, how many women get to say they’ve had sex with Time?  And i know many women likely think Chronos is a decrepit old man. Well, he IS old. Thousands of years old. But does he look it? Hell no!  He’s 6′ 4″, has long red hair, the sexiest baby blue eyes i’ve ever seen, and an athletc body like Adonis.

I asked Chronos if he’s ready yet to return to work full time. He’s been missing, or on vacation.. people have called it many things.. for months. He said he needed a break. He had burnout and needed to get his strength back. I told him he most certainly has his strength back from what i felt last night. I’m supposed to keep our tryst a secret, because he’s planning to extend his break another couple of months. I promised i’d tell no one he was here.

Here is Portland, Oregon, by the way. I met Chronos two nights ago at the Jackman Hotel bar, the Sapphire. He was sitting alone at the bar, that is, until i sat on the stool to his left. He knew my name before i introduced myself.  We talked a lot about politics and our mutual dislike of the current President. I slept in his room that night, but nothing happened, as they say. We made plans for dinner again last night, and after dinner we came back here to my place.

Just as i walk down the hall to the shower, i hear my doorbell bring. It’s only 7:15. Who would visit this early on a Sunday morning?  I look through the peep hole and see no one.  I open the door and see a silver tray on a little table to the left that wasn’t there last night.  There’s a folded newspaper on it, plus a gift box. I unfold the newspaper first. I roll my eyes and sigh. It’s the Oregonian, and today’s date is October 45th, 1986. What kind of trick of Time is this?  Then i open the package. Inside the box is a malachite and gold ring, just my size. It’s a large, marquis shaped stone. There’s a letter with it that says, Elinor.. thanks for a wonderful night. You’re one of the most flexible, athletic human women i’ve ever met! Let’s get together again someday!  Maybe in about thirty years?  And thanks for keeping my secret! I’m on my way to La Paz. I’ve always loved it there. When four days have passed, make sure you’re home and not out in public. Time will advance very quickly!  All my lust, your Chronos.   And i think to myself.. the next time i see him, it better be worth it! Time is the biggest Trickster of all!

M. Raynes